


The final blow

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [28]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 07:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11846931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: Sometimes life isn't fair. Anna gets to notice that when she receives bad news both from Patrik and Perttu. Perttu's announcement about getting married with Johanna is just too much for her. It drives Anna to a foolhardy walk in a cold forest and drives her closest people sick of worry. Patrik reveals his true nature to Anna but she doesn't take him seriously. Should she?





	1. Bad news

## Bad news (1)

Patrik called me unexpectedly on Monday morning to let me know that he might be late from school due to a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon.

“I had a horrible pain in my belly during my trip to Sweden. It has bothered me now and then but always vanished before I’ve had time to do anything about it. This time it was so severe that I made a reservation for doctor’s appointment right after my return. I will have to find out what’s wrong with me”, Patrik explained sounding worried.

“I’m very sorry to hear that. I hope it’s nothing serious”, I said trying to ignore the fear that was strangling my throat. The thought of Patrik having a fatal illness was unimaginable. I could live with him marrying some young guy or even moving to Japan for some time but losing him altogether was too much for me.

“Whatever it is, I just want to know. Anything is better than this guesswork”, Patrik huffed.

“I understand. Good luck with the doctor’s appointment!” I concluded and finished the call. I felt utterly distracted for the rest of the day. What if he was Lumi’s father after all and now he was sick? I didn’t deserve this.

       When I arrived at the institute Patrik was sitting at his regular table working with his computer. “Ah, you made it in time!” I commented happy and relieved and sat down opposite of him. “What was the verdict?”

“My gallbladder is full of stones. I need an operation”, he stated bluntly.

“Oh shit, an operation”, I mumbled feeling a panic creeping in. I remembered all too well one of my relatives who had died in the complications of a similar surgery.

“When will they operate?” I asked thinking about Lumi’s birth. I would be completely alone if Patrik wasn’t there to support me.

“Within couple of weeks I think. The sooner the better. I don’t want to be on sickbed when Lumi’s born“, he told me as if he had guessed my concerns.

“Please don’t worry about me. I just hate the thought of someone poking holes in your lovely belly”, I grinned slightly embarrassed and tapped his hand. I didn’t deserve this wonderful guy.

      Patrik closed his computer and leaned back on his chair gazing at me. I was starting to feel uncomfortable when he finally broke the silence with a question. “How did the paternity test go?”

“It was very quick and easy. The results should come at the beginning of April”, I replied still wondering why Patrik considered his potential fatherhood so important. “By the way, Perttu may have found a good nanny candidate for Lumi. I called her this morning and we set up an appointment for next Wednesday, a kind of job interview”, I added hoping to reduce Patrik’s concerns about my child care issues.

“So you don’t want my help anymore?” Patrik grumbled sounding disappointed and maybe even a little angry.

“Please don’t get me wrong. I can use all the help you can offer but I don’t want to burden you with sleepless nights. You’ve got your job to take care of. Besides you still have responsibilities as Lumi’s god father”, I explained puzzled by Patrik’s reaction. It sounded as if he was deeply offended instead of being relieved.

“I’m sorry. I have difficulties in trusting foreigners when it comes to taking care of Lumi. She’s important to me.”

“I’m sure Nina is a trustworthy and competent young woman, but we’ll see. I will let you know when I have met her on Wednesday”, I promised.  

      Patrik pushed his computer into his briefcase and stood up without any further comments on the nanny issue.

 “Our lesson is starting. Maybe we should take a lift upstairs”, he proposed glancing at my belly.

“Yeah, perhaps that is better”, I admitted pleased about his consideration. Besides I had noticed that heavy exercise caused premature contractions.

When the lift arrived we were the only ones to enter. The doors had hardly closed when Patrik grabbed my face into his hands and gave me a long gentle kiss.

“That was nice “, I thanked him my cheeks glowing of excitement. When the doors opened to the corridor full of pupils I grabbed hold of his hand and smiled at him. He was mine for the time being I and wanted everybody to see that.


	2. The final blow

## The final blow (2)

The interview with Nina on Wednesday was actually a very interesting and pleasant event. She was in the middle of her midwife studies and needed some extra earnings to finance her studies. The project of living together with me for four months suited her very well. She would have her own room and have full keep during that time. We agreed a fair monthly compensation taking that into account her labor benefits. To me her request sounded reasonable so I didn’t consult Perttu about it although he had promised to take care of the costs.

      After signing the contract we drank a cup of coffee and took a tour around the house and the garden. Of course we had to leave the starting date of her contract open because babies rarely chose to be born on their due date. I would let her know when the time of Lumi’s birth was at hand. I was greatly relieved when I knew that I had help available on a short notice.

      I phoned Perttu and told him the good news when I was back at the office on Wednesday afternoon. He was of course happy that we had reached a deal at a reasonable cost, but other than that he didn’t seem to be interested in details. He was somehow distracted and I couldn’t help noticing it.

“Is everything okay?” I finally asked frustrated by his one syllable replies to my questions.

“Well, yes and no… There is something I should tell you but I don’t know how”, he confessed.

“Just spit it out. You know I’m an engineer and hate all kinds of vagueness”, I urged him although I didn’t particularly like the idea of hearing bad news again.

“I proposed to Johanna on Monday and she said yes…”

There it was; the cut that was as deep and hurtful as it could get. My heart thudded and I gasped for air as if I was drowning.

“Are you okay?” I heard Perttu’s alarmed voice in my ear like a distant echo. The irregular beat of my heart was thundering in my ears covering all other sounds.

“I’m fine”, I managed to whisper and then closed the phone in a hurry. I needed to get out of this office before I would suffocate.

      I grabbed my coat and boots and rushed out of the door without knowing where I was going. I desperately needed fresh air and sunshine to soothe out the pain that was crushing me. I pushed my shaking hands deep into the pockets of my coat and started to walk along the road that would take me through the forest to the main highway couple of kilometers away.

      While walking I went over all the wicked plans I had contemplated to keep Perttu to myself. I had plotted to take over the body of a lovely young woman and seduce Perttu in her form. When dating her Perttu would actually be with me. Now when I had to face the fact that Perttu was going to marry Johanna I had no strength or will to do anything about it. Why would I force him to spend his life with an old woman like me? He deserved better. I deserved better. But in spite of all my reasoning the pain was just too overwhelming to bear. I didn’t have the strength to walk anymore or even stand on my own two feet.  Luckily I saw a pile of timber trees by the roadside. I sat down on one of the thick logs lying on the ground and started to cry.

      Eventually I was startled by the bright headlights of a car coming from the direction of the office. It wasn’t dark yet but the light was fading fast and it was getting very cold. My teeth were chattering and my hands freezing. I jumped up and rushed to the road to stop the car. All I could remember after that were Kirsi’s red curls and her warm hands helping me inside the car.

“Jeez, woman. You scared the shit out of us all”, I heard Kirsi’s voice when I opened my eyes in a bed that was gorgeously soft and warm. Obviously I was in somebody’s bedroom.

“Are you okay?” another voice asked. It sounded like Perttu but it couldn’t be. He was somewhere in Helsinki with Johanna.

When I managed to focus my eyes properly I saw Kirsi stand up and give her place to Perttu beside my bed.

 “Yes, I think so. My fingers have melted already”, I replied slightly annoyed that somebody was disturbing my sleep with stupid questions. The warmth of the bed was all I cared for.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told you a thing like that over the phone.” 

Perttu’s apologies brought back the pain that had almost pushed me over the brink.

“I thought I was strong enough to handle your marriage with Johanna but I guess I wasn’t”, I admitted as tears filled my eyes and rolled over to the pillow.

Perttu reached out his hand and caressed my wet cheek. “Please don’t cry. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you or Lumi”, he whispered.

 I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. “Please come and lie down with me once more.”

Perttu crawled by my side and folded his hands around me. I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep in the warmth of his body listening to the steady beat of his heart.

\---

“Good morning, Anna. Would you like some tea or coffee?” Perttu’s gentle voice woke me up to a new day. It took a while for me to understand where I was and to remember what had taken place yesterday.

“Coffee and some sandwiches would be nice. I’m starving”, I replied pleased that Perttu was still around. ”Have you spent the night here?”

“Yeah, I slept on the couch”, Perttu grinned. “That bed is a bit too narrow for two to sleep properly.”

“Thanks for staying! Does Johanna know that you are here with me?”

“Yes, she knows. I called her in panic when I couldn’t reach you by the phone. It was actually her idea to phone Kirsi and ask her to check your whereabouts. When Kirsi couldn’t find you, I hit the road to search you myself. I was about half way to the office when Kirsi announced that she had found you in the forest.

“I’m sorry about all the hassle I caused. Maybe I just had too many bad news at the same time, first from Patrik and then from you.

“What’s wrong with Patrik?” Perttu asked dismissing my slip describing his marriage as bad news.

“He’s going to have his gallbladder operated very soon.”

Perttu frowned and scratched his chin. “I hate the idea of both the father and the godfather being disabled when your time comes.”

“Me too”, I admitted and climbed out of the bed. “Let’s grab some breakfast.”


	3. We have a daughter

## We have a daughter (3)

The rest of the week was very busy at the office as the band was preparing for the release and promotion of their new album Shadowmaker. The album release would be on 17th of April during their US tour so all promotion in Europe would have to be done before that. Maybe it was good that they kept me busy so that I didn’t have time to mope over Perttu’s marriage plans. I was however disappointed when Perttu told me that he and Johanna had been invited to visit Lilli Paasikivi’s home on Saturday, our regular sauna day. There would be no chance to see him in private before the promotion trips to Warsaw, London and Berlin.

      The paternity test results arrived punctually on 2nd of April. They called me from the lab in the morning and invited us to hear the results in the afternoon.  Perttu would be back from Berlin by noontime so I set up an appointment for us on late Thursday afternoon.

“Okay, are you prepared for paternity?” I snickered when we met outside the lab in Helsinki.

“Yes I am but I never thought I would be so nervous about the test result. Look at my hands, they are shaking!” Perttu complained and pushed his hands in front of me.

I grabbed hold of his slender fingers and pulled him closer. “Don’t worry. I’m sure that Lumi is your daughter. Let’s go and find out.”

      I must admit that I had difficulties to concentrate when the laboratory lady explained once more the details of the test and the related uncertainties. “Get to the point, please”, I thought and wriggled on my chair. Perttu looked impatient too fiddling with the bracelet he was wearing.

“If there are no questions about the test we can now go to the test results”, the woman said while leafing the papers in front of her. When she had found what she was looking for she read the text carefully and then turned to look at us a smile on her face. “The results are very clear. You Perttu are the father of this child with highest possible probability. Congratulations to both of you!” The woman stood up and offered her hand to Perttu and then to me. I felt slightly dizzy when I shook her hand. The uncertainty was finally over and we could plan our future based on facts rather than guesswork.

Perttu was all smiles when he received the congratulations. He didn’t have to convince me anymore that he wanted to be the father. It was written all over his face.

      “Jeez, I was this close to telling the woman to shut up about the test details”, Perttu huffed when we were back on the street. “But I’m so happy it’s now over”, he smiled and grabbed me into his arms. “We have a daughter!”

“Yes we have. I just hope the remaining time to the childbirth goes smoothly. In the last maternity check-up they were worried about my rising blood pressure.”

“What does that mean?” Perttu frowned sounding anxious.

“High blood pressure and raised protein level in urine are symptoms of pre-eclampsia, which is a dangerous condition both to the mother and the baby”, I explained. I didn’t want to worry Perttu but this was something he needed to know in case I ended up in the hospital because of it. “I belong to the risk group because this is my first baby and I am over forty. They are monitoring my blood pressure and urine now on weekly basis.  The check up on next week will tell us more.”

“You must take it easy at work and also otherwise. Your health is now more important than anything else.” Perttu urged me. I knew I had just ruined his joy about being a father but I couldn’t help it.

“I will”, I promised to calm him down. “I hope your gig at Turku tomorrow goes well. Is Franky staying at your place?” I changed the subject to get rid of the nagging fear about Lumi’s health.

“Yeah! He promised to hold his thumbs up for the paternity test. I think I should let him know about the results.”

“Please do. He’s an excellent mentor for you when it comes to having children.”

“Would you and Franky like to come for a visit on Saturday?” I asked hoping that they didn’t have other engagements for that night.

“Yeah, why not. I’m sure Franky would like to see your house and garden. But please, don’t overdo it. We can take care of the cooking. Franky has his special Mexican recipes to showcase to you”, Perttu replied clearly delighted.

      I left Perttu to call Franky and headed home to have some rest. Perttu was right. I should take it easy and enjoy the last weeks of my pregnancy. Besides I should inform also Patrik about the test results. I hated to disappoint him…


	4. The guardian angel

## Guardian angel (4)

“There you are! I was getting worried when I didn’t hear anything from you”, Patrik called when I phoned him quite late in the evening.

“Sorry but the lab was late in the afternoon and I had to rest for a while after getting home”, I explained slightly embarrassed.

“That’s alright. Your wellbeing is all that matters… Was the paternity test successful?”

“Yes it was and the result was as expected. Perttu is Lumi’s father without any doubt. I’m sorry…”

“That’s fine. The odds were against me this time. How did Perttu take the news?”

“He was relieved and delighted which is kind of hard to understand because he is going to marry Johanna.”

“Really? I’d be devastated about a thing like that. You don’t sound unhappy or anything”, Patrik wondered.

“To be honest it was terrible shock when he told me about it last week. I went for a walk in the forest and almost froze to death”, I explained trying not to over-dramatize my adventures in the forest.

“Oh shit, somebody is not doing his job properly”, I heard Patrik grumble in the phone.

“Sorry, I didn’t understand. What job?” I asked him doubting that I was just hearing things.

“I’m supposed to be your guardian angel”, he stated dryly as if he was talking about plumbing or program support.

“Err, I don’t believe in angels and I can very well take care of myself”, I snapped at Patrik thinking that the guy must have had one drink too many.

“I guessed that you would say that but anyway I don’t like to be blamed of doing a sloppy job.”

      Our discussion was getting so weird that I wanted to talk about something else.

“Have you heard anything about your surgery?” I asked after a short consideration.

“Actually yes. They are planning to do it on 14th of April.”

“How long does it take to recover?”

“I will have two weeks’ sick leave. I will probably miss the last two lessons of the spring term.”

“That’s too bad. The lessons are boring without you”, I snickered even though I knew I would miss him terribly much.

Suddenly I realized that my longing for him might have something to do with this angel thing. Besides he was one of the few people I couldn’t see. Maybe he was something special after all.

“Will you be kind enough to send me our homework if I can’t attend the lessons?” Patrik asked very humbly.

“Will do”, I promised still very confused about the fact that my guardian angel was going to have his gallbladder removed in two weeks.

       As this subject didn’t help me to get rid of this angel hoax I decided to try another approach. “How are things with Naoki?” I asked wondering how many bi or gay guardian angels there might be.

“He’s afraid to touch me. Every time I try to approach him he runs away”, Patrik told me sounding frustrated.

“Just be patient. Give him time to get used to your closeness. One day he will trust you enough to let you touch him or vice versa.”

“I’m not a very patient guy but I will try. I can’t force him into anything.”

“No, you can’t. Just take your time”, I advised this strange young man that was young enough to be my son.

      After finishing the call I prepared myself a cup of tea and sat down to consider what Patrik had just told me. I didn’t know what he was but his presence always made me happy.  When he wasn’t there it was like part of me was missing. When I saw him again and he smiled at me my brain was filled something that could be best described as liquid joy. Judging by these facts he must be an angel sent to protect me or a demon intending to take me over. Either way I loved it and wanted it to continue as long as I lived.


	5. A promise

## A promise (5)

Sleeping after an exciting and confusing day has never been one of my strong points. I tended to analyze things to pieces and this time was no exception. I tossed and turned in my bed for two hours before I stood up and stalked downstairs to take a pee and a glass of cold milk. I sat at the kitchen table and sipped my milk trying to calm down.

      It was complete waste of time to worry about Patrik, Perttu and Lumi. All I could do was to try my best and show them I loved them no matter what happened. I might have to share Perttu and Patrik with other people, but that didn’t diminish my love for them. I was a happy lass to have so many lovely people around me and maybe there was someone out there who might want to share his life with me. Comforted by these thoughts I headed back to my bedroom and curled under the duvet waiting for the sleep to come.

\---

“How are your scars? Have they healed well?” Naoki asked standing in front of Patrik unsure about what to do.

“They are a bit itchy”, Patrik replied smiling mischievously and started to unbutton his shirt.

Naoki looked startled like he was going to run away but then he braced himself and reached out his hand carefully. “Can I touch them?”

Patrik had now unbuttoned his shirt completely and gazed at Naoki with his keen grey eyes. “Of course.”

Naoki’s hand was trembling slightly when he slid his fingers on Patrik’s hairy skin beneath his breast. Patrik closed his eyes when he felt Naoki’s soft touch on his scars and took a deep breath. Naoki’s fingers slid down to Patrik’s waist where there was another scar of his operation. Patrik stood still like a statue waiting what Naoki’s fingers would do next.

“The itching will stop when the hair grows back again”, Naoki commented and cocked his head to one side. Without a warning he moved his hand onto Patrik’s breast rubbing his nipple gently with his palm. Patrik let out a sound that was something between a sigh and a moan. “Do you want me to stop?” Naoki asked looking alarmed.

“Please, no, never”, Patrik whispered and pulled his small and slender companion closer. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please”, Naoki replied in a small voice and lowered his eyes blushing lightly. Patrik lifted his chin up with his fingers and took Naoki’s face into his hands. Naoki gazed at Patrik his eyes wide open like he was paralyzed with fear. Patrik bowed down slowly and planted his lips carefully on Naoki’s. Maybe he was afraid that Naoki would flee again like he had done couple of times earlier. This time he didn’t. Instead he grabbed hold on Patrik’s body with both hands and responded to his kiss with unprecedented passion. His hunger for kisses seemed to be insatiable.  Patrik did his best to quench his hunger by kissing his nose, eyelids and cheeks along with his lips.

“I can’t believe that I’m finally kissing you. I thought you didn’t want me to touch you”, Patrik whispered tears running down his cheeks. After that he gave a soft kiss on Naoki’s lips and buried him into his embrace.

“I’m sorry. I was just concerned that touching you would be inappropriate.”

“Silly boy”, Patrik laughed and ruffled Naoki’s unruly hair. “I love it when you touch me. Actually I need you to touch me. Promise me you will never stop.”

After a longish consideration Naoki raised his hand onto his heart. “I promise”, Naoki said solemnly. 

Maybe Patrik just meant ‘a long time’ with his never but Naoki obviously took it literally. Never for him meant the rest of his life, a promise not lightly given.

“Okay, why don’t we take your shirt off? I want to feel your skin while I’m holding you”, Patrik proposed and let his own shirt slip on the floor.

Naoki started to open his buttons with shaky fingers but stopped when he was half way down. “I’m sorry, but I’m so nervous. I have never been with a man or a woman before. Can you help me?”

“Are you a virgin?” Patrik asked with a soft voice while he quickly opened Naoki’s remaining buttons.

“Yes, you will have to teach me everything….”  

\---

      When I woke up in the morning from my dream my first feeling was a deep relief. Patrik was going to survive the operation, and best of all, his scars would bring him and Naoki finally together. I was a strong believer in my dreams. I was convinced that what I saw last night in my dreams would also be true in reality. Anyways I decided to keep my dream to myself and cherish the knowledge that everything would turn out right. Time would tell if that really was the case.


End file.
